what should i do??

oh god,,

im wondering who will be the one for me,,whether its him or it another him,,as i love them both so much,,

its hurt and killing knowing that i cant have both,,the first him was 2 and ++ years being beside me,whereby another him was there for me only for couple of months,,evetho another him was with me for couple of months,but he was there when i need somebody,some one to hold on to when im in gloomy,,another him makes me smile when i was sad,,makes me smile eventho i dont feel like smiling,,currently another him was away and i miss him so much,,hoping for everyday to meet another him,,to chat with another him,,

im afraid of loosing both,,what should i do??im afraid of who i will end up with,,either him or another him,,im afraid if i end up with him and i will regret and so do if i end up with another him,,be patient and just go with the flow,,yeah,its true,but im about to make a decision regarding my life,that would change everything if i made a decision,,im afraid its a wrong turn for me,,what should i do??

the 1st him have been with me since last two years, but lately he ignored me,starting from this year until this june,,but this lately,than only he shows that he might change,,arrgghhh,,i just dont know,,what should i do??its either him or another him,,

im afraid i will hurt another him so much when let say in the end, im not with another him,,it will hurt another him badly,,and im afraid whether i'll make a wrong decision,,but if choose to end my life with another him i will feel the same,,the feeling of guilty by not choosing him,,oh god,what should i do??

-it hurt so much-